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What do you focus on?

2011-08-16T18:24:51Z

Everyday or two I check to see if I have any comments on my blog posts and then I take a quick peek at the survey results. Today was one of those days. I love it when I get positive comments and when people like my posts. Today I noticed that I haven't had any comments for several months and only 109 people have taken part in the survey, 3 of whom didn't like something I wrote.

What came next surprised me. I let the opinions of others influence my feelings about my posts. I tried to second guess what 3 people may not have liked, doubted my own abilities and generally was a bit bummed by the survey results. I want everybody to appreciate what I share. Over 98% of the respondents liked what I wrote and only 2% didn't. Nobody's perfect, right?

What I found interesting is that I focused on that 2%, giving them more "power" than the other people who took part in the survey. I didn't even take into account the fact that more than 5,000 people have actually read one or more of my blog entries. And I don't have a clue as to how my blog may have impacted their way of viewing things. The 3 people who didn't like something I said only represent .0006% of my total readership and I don't actually know what they specifically didn't like.

Once I realized what I was doing, I changed my focus. I remembered that I write because I truly enjoy the art of communicating my way of looking at a situation. I do it more for me than for the reader. The process helps me get clarity about my thoughts on a subject and puts me in contact with my creativity. My intention is that my commentaries provide readers with another perspective on a subject.

I also reminded myself that those 3 readers have as much right to their opinions as I do to mine. They don't have any more or less rights. Something I wrote may have planted a seed that may germinate for awhile and then cause the 3 readers to see the possibility that there is a different way to view the world and their individual lives. Or maybe they won't. It really doesn't matter.

I have to let go of my attachment to results and my desire to be liked by everybody. It's not going to happen. As long as there is more than 1 person in a situation, there will be different perspectives on the same topic or event. That's what makes life interesting. How boring it would be if there was no diversity of thought or beliefs. It's opposing points of views that spark an expansion in the way a situation is looked at and that causes growth. As the saying goes, "it's the irritation that creates the pearl."

More gratitude...

2011-08-13T18:22:00Z

I'll share a secret with you. The key to getting more in your life is by being grateful for what you already have. An "attitude of gratitude" changes the way you feel inside and changes your interactions with your others as well as with the environment. It also acts as a magnet that helps you draw more good things into your life. It's the spark that drives the Law of Attraction.

I began my "attitude of gratitude" by reviewing what happened each day right before I went to sleep and thinking of 5 things that I was grateful for. They didn't have to be big things. It would be that my air-conditioning worked when the temperature was 110 outside, or that I got a phone call right when I needed it, or that I saw a beautiful sunset, or there was a left-turn signal on a particularly busy intersection. My list could include the fact that I tried a particularly delicious new food, that I cleaned out my closet or that I received a compliment from a client about the impact working with me had on changing her life.

After doing this nightly for a few months, I sent an email to several friends and asked them if they wanted to be my "gratitude buddy". That meant that every week I'd send them my email listing what I was grateful for. It couldn't contain everything, just the highlights from the previous week. Many people said yes so I sent out my list every Sunday. What a powerful experience this was as it took positive energy and expanded it as it traveled through the ethers to my buddy's computer. Often they'sent me their list in return. As I read their list, I could feel their gratitude and it increased my own.

What you focus your attention on you get more of. I'd much prefer to focus on the positive than on the negative!! Even when things aren't going the way I'd like, I can always find something to be grateful for. Once I look for the "gift" in every situation, the situation immediately improves and for that I'm grateful.

Joanne P. Stein, Joyologist, www.bestcoach4u.com

Interesting facts about change

2011-08-07T18:15:00Z

It seems as though I have been studying change my entire life. I continue to study change; experience it "up close and personal" in my own life; teach others how to master it, and act as a cheerleader as friends, family or clients go through a variety of changes in their lives. My intuitive sense is that I will be "changing" for the rest of my life and helping many others with their own changes. Change is good! It means growth and evolution but the process isn't as simple as it sounds...ask anybody who's tried to stop smoking, to begin an exercise routine, to leave a job they hate or to cease to act like a child (although they are grown with a family of their own) when they interact with a parent.

Below are some interesting facts about change. I've collected them over the years so I have long since lost the original sources. My profound apologies to the creators.

Interesting Facts About Change

Change is more complicated, expensive and time-consuming than we imagine.
Change is more complicated to sustain than to initiate.
People at all levels have spent years preparing not to do this.
If it is worth doing, it is worth doing slowly (Mae West.)
More information and more skills are hardly ever the solution.
New efforts almost always rely on old resources.
Successful change seldom starts at the top.
Learning is essential to change...those who change learn.
Change efforts always accomplish something different from what we intended.
The most engaging change is so compelling that success seems secondary.

Joanne P. Stein, Joyologist, www.bestcoach4u.com

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Freedom

2011-08-03T18:07:00Z

About 10 years ago I went from Scottsdale, Arizona, to my home city of Los Angeles, California. I'd only been living in Arizona less than two years and was feeling a bit lonely and homesick.. After my week of "family stuff," I came back to Scottsdale with a new sense of empowerment, freedom and acceptance. I spoke my truth to my mother, my aunts, my sister and, most importantly, myself. Instead of stuffing feelings or allowing hurtful things to be said to me and ignoring them, I said aloud "that was hurtful" or "did you intend to hurt my feelings." It's remarkable how free I felt just by allowing myself to speak the truth in a kind way while maintaining a "heart connection" with the other person.

In the past I would not have said anything to the person who disappointed me or who hurt my feelings. I would have rehashed the conversation within my mind and replayed my version of it to friends or soothed myself with food. This time, I said my truth in the moment and to the person whose behavior triggered discomfort in me. I was even able to acknowledge and release old resentments that I was still harboring after 10, 20 or 30 years. What a waste of energy it is to hold on to negative beliefs and feelings!! To free myself from the burden of carrying around old hurts and from adding new bundles of resentment, I learned that you have to know what you want out of each of your relationships so that you choose the right time, place and words to express your feelings. Just "venting" or "dumping" doesn't improve the situation. It often escalates it.

For me, I learned that I can have more happiness in my life, if I accept the relationships I have with my family, understand them and then determine how I want to act in any situation. To achieve anything, I know you must clearly and precisely define what you wish to accomplish. Before I went to California, my goal was to heal some old wounds and I determined that to do that I needed to honestly express my feelings and my viewpoints in the moment. I needed to start responding like a competent adult rather than as a scared child. My goal wasn't to change anybody in my family, but to change the way I interacted with them.

I accomplished my goal and feel much "lighter" because of it. I have a greater sense of freedom now that I've closed old chapters of my life and begun writing the script for a happier future. I was able to accomplish this because I was willing to do something different. If you don't change your behavior, situations won't change. Freedom comes when you know that you have a choice in any situation and when you consciously choose how you want to be in any moment in time. When you do something different and get positive results, it gives you more courage to continue to grow and evolve.

Follow your heart and it will lead you to freedom.

Joanne P. Stein, Joyologist, www.bestcoach4u.com

Turn challenges into opportunities

2011-07-30T17:54:00Z

Even the most successful people in the world are never completely satisfied with themselves. This is a natural feeling to all human beings and often times motivates people to reach their full potential. Unfortunately, the problem comes when self dissatisfaction turns into self doubt. Often, we feel frustrated or discouraged about the past, and we project those feelings of doubt and disappointment into the future. We stay stuck in a situation as if trapped in a tar pit. We fear that nothing will ever change and we'll never be able to be free from our personal "tar pit." With that viewpoint, we start a downward spiral that takes us deeper into the pit of negativity.

However, the future has not happened yet. So it really makes very little sense to be negative about it. The future is full of outstanding opportunities. You are in control of your own future, it's not determined by your past. It is determined by the actions you take on a day-to-day basis. It's determined by your beliefs, thoughts, intentions and actions moment to moment to moment.

Use your frustration and past failures not as an excuse to doubt yourself, but as an opportunity to learn and improve your future. Avoid negative thinking, look past the doubt, and you’ll discover a bright future. Try to identify your obstacles, and refuse to let them get in your way. Challenge yourself to turn the negative into a positive. In every difficult situation, there is opportunity. In order to see that opportunity and take advantage of it, you must stay positive, and continue to look for it.

To create a brighter future, play a game with yourself. Look for the positive aspects of EVERY situation. For example, being fired from a job provides you with the opportunity to find a job that ignites your passion. Dealing with lack of money gives you an opportunity to see that you really can be happy without a large bank account.

I'm living example of that. I haven't worked in several years due to a dislocated shoulder and helping a dear friend as she was losing her battle with cancer. The gifts in these situations are that I had the opportunity to spend time with my friend -- to take her to doctor's appointments, to wash her hair and massage her feet. I had time to "stop and smell the roses." I had time to rest, relax, reflect and reconnect to Source energy. The experience of lack of money that appeared to be challenge was really an opportunity to take better care of myself, to become more vulnerable so others could be there for me and to learn that I am loved, loving and loveable no matter what the circumstances may look like. The thickness of my wallet doesn't define my abundance. My attitude is the on or off switch that controls my future. Currently my wallet is very flat and yet I feel very blessed and very abundant.

I now play the "Positive Aspects" game on a regular basis and am always delighted with what I learn about myself, others and my connection to God. I look for the gift in every situation. I must admit that sometimes I have to end my personal "pity party" and to really dig deep to find the positive opportunity that was buried in that "tar pit." It's always there. Do you want to start playing the game, too? You can only win!!

Joanne P. Stein, Joyologist, www.bestcoach4u.com

Criticism isn't good or bad

2011-07-23T17:45:00Z

There's an advantage in getting older – criticism doesn't bother me the way it did in previous decades. I now look at criticism as a type of information, not good or bad. It's just somebody else's view about a situation. I also realize that no matter what I do, I won't be able to please everybody. People are unique with personal preferences. Some people like others to be quiet and introspective while other people want individuals to be boisterous and extroverted. If the two types of people are in the room at the same time, there would be a natural conflict. If I then walk into that room, I know that one of those people might criticize me just because of my behavior and the other person would find that very same behavior 100% acceptable. What I've learned is that the criticism is not necessarily directed at me personally, it's really directed towards my behavior and it depends upon the other person's preferences.

It's a great feeling to realize that because somebody doesn't like what I do or say doesn't mean that I'm a bad person. What it does mean is that the next time I'm with that person I can choose how I want to interact with them. Their criticism provides me with more information and I can either change my behavior to accommodate their preferences or I can continue to do things the way I normally do them. The choice is often determined by the importance of the relationship. If it's a family member, a boss or a close friend, I'm more willing to see the situation from their perspective and then make any adjustments that I feel are mutually beneficial. If it's a stranger on the street, I'm more apt to just store the information for future reference. If I hear the same comments from a number of sources, then I use the information to reevaluate my actions and to make some conscious decisions about how I want to act in similar situations in the future.

No matter how "perfect" I try to be, I will never please everybody all the time. That's just a fact of life. Knowing this takes a lot of the "performance anxiety" out of situations. If I understand myself and what I want from each situation, if I speak my truth with compassion and if I allow others to express their own desires and opinions, it's a win/win situation. By allowing both of us to be our authentic selves and not trying to control each other's behavior, we improve the quality of our relationship. This in turn decreases the amount of stress we experience and improves our sense of well-being.

If you use the information productively, a criticism can actually be the starting point for improving the quality of your life.

Joanne P. Stein, Joyologist, www.bestcoach4u.com

Stop trying and start doing

2011-07-19T17:36:00Z

I just finished a telephone call with a dear friend who was fretting because God wasn't answering her prayers fast enough or in the manner she wanted. I realized that it's not God's "fault" that things aren't manifesting according to our timelines or specifications. It's because we often don't take the necessary actions to make dreams become reality and it starts by our use of one little three-letter word -- TRY.

Set a clear intention of what you want. This can be a financial goal, a health goal, a relationship goal or any other type of goal that will give you more joy in your life. Then take action.

Don't just try to do a little bit more, actually do it! Have you ever noticed that the harder you try, the less you get accomplished? Why is that? From my perspective, it seems like when I'm trying I have an underlying assumption of failure. It's as if I'm making an excuse for why I won't be able to accomplish something. If you heard someone say “I’m trying to get the report finished on time”, how would you interpret it? Would you have confidence that the report would be ready on time? Probably not. More likely, you’d assume that it wouldn't be completed on time and you'd probably be right.

Stop trying and start doing. Trying will give you excuses while doing will get you results. The difference between trying and doing is in your attitude. Trust that you'll succeed rather than fail and then roll up your sleeves and get to work. Remove the word “trying” from your vocabulary, and notice how much that simple step clarifies your activities. You’re either doing it or you’re not. You’re either taking action or you’re not.

Forget about trying. Trying is barely more effective than idle wishing. Stop trying and get going even if it's just one baby-step at a time. You eventually will realize that the way you treat yourself, others, and planet earth determines the quality of your life. When we "do unto others as we would have them do unto us" we are really God in action. Instead of "trying" we're "doing" and our life changes for the better.

So what positive step can you take NOW that will bring you closer to achieving the type of life you really want? Go for it! You deserve it!

Joanne P. Stein, Joyologist, www.bestcoach4u.com

Accomplishment means taking one step at a time

2011-07-07T17:24:00Z

Did your create a mental list of New Year's resolutions that you really thought you wanted to accomplish and yet, now seven months later, you haven't done anything more concrete than perhaps writing them down? And, if you're like many of us, you can't even put your hands on that list today because you forgot where you put it. Knowing what you want the outcome to be is only the first and easiest part of achieving your goals. How are you going to accomplish your goals if you don't do something? As much as I wish it were possible, you can't just "wish" something into existence. Setting your destination is terrific, but how are you going to get there unless you kick yourself into action and start moving forward on the road towards your goal?

The key to accomplishment is movement - just thinking about losing weight, getting a new job, improving a relationship or achieving any other goal won’t make it happen. It takes a positive can-do attitude, a vivid mental picture of what you want to accomplish and then taking one positive action, followed by another, followed by another, followed by another... You can't drive a car in two directions at once. The same is true with goals, achieve one before you go on to the next. This will give you the momentum to achieve your next goal and by taking one step at a time you'll build up enough momentum to achieve the goals that are fully within your control. Before the end of 2011, you will have checked-off the goals you set for yourself at the beginning of the year.

If you didn't set the direction for your life on January 1st, it's not too late. Think of one or more things that you want to achieve by the end of the year. Choose a goal that will give you a sense of pride or satisfaction when it's achieved. Maybe it's to take an art class, to travel to Denmark, to organize your files or to balance your checkbook every month. It could be scheduling regular "date nights" with your spouse, meditating on a daily basis, learning how to ballroom dance or thinking before you speak. Make each goal something that will add value to your life.

My primary goal for this year (as well as for the rest of my life) is to become the best and most authentic ME I can be at this point in time. With that as my target, every day I do something that brings me closer to that goal. This may include: meditating, attending a workshop, having an honest conversation with friends, doing an on-line personal growth programs, reading an inspirational book or watching an inspirational movie. Whatever I choose to do is focused on my increasing my personal well-being and growth. Do I forget to take action sometimes or are there days when I only veg out or does "life" throw up an obstacle so my forward momentum is temporarily stopped? Sure, but I then just start back on my path to becoming the best me I can be.

Oh, by the way, I also forgive myself and accept my little "side trips." Often it's the "unplanned" event on my journey that helps me to learn more about myself and how I respond to challenges. So, I wasn't really off track at all. I learned something that will make the rest of my journey go more smoothly. And, yes I know, I will always be a "work in progress." That's my point: You only need to take one step at a time and to trust that whatever shows up will add to the quality of your life in some way. Without identifying my desired outcome and taking action, I would miss out on a lot of happiness.

So what are you going to accomplish today that will move you along the path to achieving your life goals? Unless you actually “do something”, your goal will remain an illusive fantasy and you’ll miss the thrill of accomplishment! Take action today...take a step on your pathway to success!

Joanne P. Stein, Joyologist, www.bestcoach4u.com

Are you overlooking the obvious?

2011-07-02T17:06:00Z

Expect miracles to happen in your life today....getting just the information you need (when you need it), finding something you misplaced, hearing about something that you want going on sale, seeing an old friend by chance, feeling motivated to do something good for yourself after months of inactivity (watching the fat in your diet, meditating, exercising). Miracles are just opportunities for you to improve the quality of your life - they set the stage but you need to perform. Even something simple such as finding a lost key or piece of jewelry means that you have to actually pick it up otherwise the opportunity will pass you by. You have to be actively involved in your life and you must make conscious choices.

This week I followed my own advice. I have been looking for ways to diversify my revenue stream (translation: make more money). Recently I’ve written resumes, done personality assessments to help people find jobs that match the way they prefer to operate in the world. I’ve also done some technical writing and editing. I enjoy doing all those things but my passion is helping people on their spiritual journey. I love to help them have more joy and less stress in their lives.

Years ago, I used to do “energy readings” for people and was very good at it. I stopped because I preferred teaching clients how to go within and find their own truth. I didn’t want to “tell them what to do” -even though that's usually why they booked the appointment. I prefer telling them what I see currently going on in their chakras and then having them decide if they want to keep patterns in their lives that cause this energy drain or if they are willing to change the patterns. I truly like handing the ball off to my clients so they can run with it and bask in the success of scoring a touchdown rather than giving me the glory.

On Sunday, I met with a new friend who is a gifted numerologist and who has celebrity clients. She was generous enough to give me some information based upon “my numbers” so I chose to gift her with an energy (chakra) reading. I’m so glad I listened to my intuition and did the reading. I was in my element -- being of service and having fun in the process. The reading flowed so smoothing and contained just the information she needed to hear at that particular point in time. In effect, I was an answer to her prayers for guidance. She asked me why I discontinued doing readings because they could be of assistance to people. The truth is that it’s a gift I’ve had most of my life so I assume everybody has it too. In reality they do; I’ve just learned to trust my intuition more and have more confidence because I have more experience. I did the reading and then we chatted about things she might want to do if she wants something new to manifest in her life. I enjoyed helping her to find the key that will shorten her learning curve. My gift is my ability to give people information so they can make empowered choices. Then I like to watch the miracles that take place in their lives if they actually DO something with the information.

The point of the story is that I overlooked the obvious when I was looking for ways to expand my revenue stream. I take my intuitive abilities for granted and it wasn’t until I did the reading on Sunday that I remember how good I am at it, how much I enjoy doing it and how much my clients benefit from their sessions with me. Within less than 12 hours since I made the decision to resume doing reading, this time in conjunction with coaching, a former client called and wanted to know if I still did energy readings.

Twenty-four hours later I got a referral from the numerologist and several people I talked to while working at an event wanted to schedule appointments with me. It was so easy once I decided to do what I love and to let the universe bring those clients to me that would be in vibrational harmony with me. It was a miracle. I’m now expecting more and more miracles to happen. For me, the key was to set the intention that I wanted to earn money combining chakra readings with coaching and then to say “yes” when what I said I wanted actually presents itself.

Having not done formal readings for several years (although I regularly use my intuitive abilities with friends and coaching clients), I was a bit nervous but decided to “feel the fear and do it anyway.” And I’m so glad I did. The opportunity presented itself and I took action, even with butterflies flittering around in my tummy. Had I not done the reading for the numerologist, I wouldn't have had the joy of bring an old passion back to life. For all these years, I was overlooking a gift I have and a way to increase my income – because it seemed too easy. Guess what? Things that are meant to happen seem to just appear unexpectedly. They do involve taking some action or doing some work but it feels more like play because it is something you enjoy doing.

So what skill or talent do you have that you take for granted? Are you a talented chef, painter, mechanic or singer? Has that talent been in hibernation long enough? What are you willing to do today that will awaken that talent that you just overlook? How will that make your life better? Set your intention, take action and be on the lookout for miracles. You’ll be surprised at how many you find.

Joanne P. Stein, Joyologist, www.bestcoach4u.com

I don't have to be perfect...

2011-06-29T16:58:00Z

About an hour ago I had a conversation with a friend that I have known since kindergarten, through college and into our adulthood. We've gone through good times and challenging times together and no matter what, we were (and still are) there for one another. We haven't lived in the same state for over 20 years but our friendship transcends borders and boundaries and life changes. It can be months between conversations and yet we can pick up right where we left off. It's wonderful having a friend who knows me so well and who celebrates my successes with me and gives me positive words of encouragement when things don't go the way I wanted them to go. She's always there cheering me on.

Today’s conversation. reminded me that I don’t have to be perfect - I just have to be me. I have to “get in the game” (of life). That means not worrying about what other people think about me, not being attached to the outcome of my efforts, not having to win at somebody else’s expense and just being fully present in each moment. If I waited until I was perfect, I’d never do anything and I’d miss out on so many wonderful experiences. Basically if I waited until I was perfect, I'd never get out of bed since perfection never really occurs. As Summer Bacon says as she channels Dr. Martin J. Peebles, "What are you going to do after you're perfect?"

It’s by pushing past perceived limitations that my self-confidence grows and it’s that feeling of success that I take with me into the next situation. Self-worth grows incrementally based upon how many new things we do. It’s the effort that makes us feel powerful, not necessarily how well we executed the action. So I keep “getting up to bat” (even if my knees are knocking) and taking whatever actions are necessary to fully participate in life. I think of all the events in my life as just innings in the game of life and all those “practice swings” as building my mental, emotional and spiritual muscles. Look at all the growth opportunity I’d miss if I waited until I was perfect before I did anything. I’d never get out and play. Being human, I know that no matter how hard I work I’ll never be perfect at anything. And that’s “perfectly” OK with me because I know true friends will accept me just the way I am at any moment in time.

Joanne P. Stein. Joyologist, www.bestcoach4u.com

Appreciate what you have now

2011-06-25T16:34:38Z

Every week millions of dollars from Power Ball are up for grabs; many people all over the United States fantasize about what they'd do if they'd won the lottery. Some people would travel, others would go on extended shopping sprees buying houses, cars and luxuries while others would give to charity. The underlying assumptions are that money will take all our problems away, that it'll happen in an instant and that our good fortune will last forever. In reality, that's not necessarily the case.

Getting all the money we need, the perfect job or that marriage proposal from the man or woman of our dreams doesn't mean that we'll be problem free for the rest of our lives. It just means that things in our lives will be different. If you win the lottery but still believe that "money runs through your fingers", you'll squander your money. If you got the perfect job by deceit or by being less than your authentic-self, you'll soon become dissatisfied with it. If you got the man or woman of your dreams by "playing dumb", "playing games" or always subjugating your needs to the needs of your beloved, sooner or later you'll feel empty and that the man or woman of your dreams will seem more like a nightmare.

The key is to stop putting so much effort into "getting" and to spend more time "just being." Be true to yourself and allow yourself the luxury of really getting to know ALL your emotions, dreams and beliefs. Appreciate what you have in your life right now even as you strive to make changes. And don't try to make multiple changes at once. It would be like trying to put at size 9 foot into a size 5 shoe. It wouldn't feel good and you'd soon give up even trying to make any changes at all.

If you don't appreciate what you have now, why do you think that you'll be able to appreciate what you get in the future? The present becomes the future and it brings with it new learning opportunities. When you can have peace where you are, you open yourself to greater possibilities. You become a winner when you can maintain a sense of inner peace in all situations. Each experience was custom made for you to learn something about yourself so "if the shoe fits, enjoy wearing it!"

Joanne P Stein, Joyologist, www.bestcoach4u.com

CONGRATS

2011-06-19T16:53:00Z

I love to go to my mailbox and get a "real" card. You know -- the old fashion kind that comes in a stamped envelope and has somebody's actual handwritten signature at the bottom, a card that wasn't sent by pressing the enter key on a computer.

I have a habit of saving cards that are especially meaningful for me. Some go into my desk and are filed away for safekeeping. When I need a morale boost or some confidence-building before I try a new task, I open the file and read those cards. Even though I've read them before, it's as if I'm reading them for the first time and they cheer me up.

I've also bought cards for myself, written messages on them as if they were written by a future client, spouse, or departed loved one. Inside each card I write what I'd love to hear that person say to me. Then I sign the card with their name, put it into a stamped, self-addressed envelope and give friends a few of these cards. They have no idea what's in them. Their only instruction is to mail one of the cards whenever they think I might need or want a little pick-me-up or just when the time feels right. I never know who gets which card.

The fun comes when the card appears in my mailbox. I open each one and my mind really "thinks" the card is from somebody other that me. I find the cards to be very touching and I save them in that same file in my desk drawer that contains other motivational messages and/or cards.

Some of the cards I get are placed on bookshelves in my office and they serve as visual reminders of positive things. I thought I'd share one that a friend sent to me after I landed a new client after not being able to work for almost a year as the result of an accident. Just the colorful images on the cover of the card make me smile.

If you want to be successful, all you have to do is to follow the concepts that were on that card.

CHOOSING your own PATH

OPENING UP to new POSSIBILITIES

NEVER SETTLING for less

GIVING of yourself

RISING to the CHALLENGE

AIMING for SUCCESS

Taking RISKS

Staying FOCUSED

So whose day can you brighten by sending a card or a handwritten note? No matter if it's a friend, family member or yourself, giving from your heart starts the "Law of Attraction" in motion and you'll feel great.

© 2011, Joanne P. Stein.

Appreciate the challenges

2011-06-15T19:09:57Z

We show our true character by the way we approach the challenges in our life and, believe me, there will always be challenges.

If we are timid or very fearful, we try every conscious and unconscious trick in the book to get somebody else to solve our problems for us. We make ourselves sick with worry so somebody will feel sorry for us and handle OUR challenge. That way we have somebody to blame if things don't work out the way we want them to and we get to continue to feel like a victim. We get manipulative, trying to transfer the responsibility for solving the problem to somebody else. With the responsibility, we're also transferring the ability to control the quality of our life so again we get to hold onto the illusion that we're a victim. If we are timid or in "victim mode", we get overwhelmed and easily distracted. We procrastinate. We wallow in self-pity for so long that we get incapacitated. In other words, we do all the things that cause us to hold on to our challenges even longer than necessary and, sometimes, we acquire additional problems along the way. People who never take responsibility for their own lives or face their challenges are depriving themselves of the opportunity to feel empowered and proud of their accomplishments.

Take life one step at a time

On the other hand, people who are courageous (you know the one's I'm talking about, the ones that "feel the fear and do it anyway") get stronger and more confident every time they overcome a fear and do whatever's necessary to move beyond their challenge. They strengthen their character and see themselves as being triumphant rather than as being victimized. They experience all their feelings as long as necessary. They don't run away from emotions by heading for alcohol, drugs, food or any other self-destruction solution. They acknowledge their anger, express their fears and concerns and, even though their hands may be shaking and they may be powered by blind faith and trust, they take one step after another to get them beyond their challenge. At the end of the journey, they feel triumphant because they know deep inside that they have built up the inner strength necessary to help them handle the next challenge that they'll face. They know the only way to feel strong is by facing each challenge as it arises. It's by being courageous that we gain courage.

The way of the heart

2011-06-04T23:40:00Z

I'm sitting outside watching birds, trees, clouds and rocks just be. They have no preconceived ideas about how they "should" be. Each is unique and beautiful. Each adds to the landscape of Mother Earth and each contributes to the beauty of my life.

Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, forms, and media. The sparrow is no more beautiful than the hawk. The pine tree is no more beautiful than the spruce. Man is not more beautiful than woman. A flower isn't more beautiful than a painting. They are all beautiful because they are all God's creations. Beauty is universal truth that never changes. It just is. Judgment and preferences that are from our human mind "color" what we see but don't take away from the essence of beauty.

All God's creations are beautiful since they were formed from love and maintain that divine spark within. As a "joyologist" and spiritual coach, my role is to help people find their divine spark and honor their uniqueness just as others have done for me.

My path is mine since there is no other human being who has had all my life experiences, in the same order, in the same environment and at the exact same moments in time. It's my belief that I've chosen my path and it suits my God-given gifts and abilities. My path is the way of the heart.

Others have chosen their own paths which suits them and provides the environment that gives them the life lessons they've chosen to learn or to teach. We don't know what agreements others have with God. For that reason, I try not to judge the criminal or idolize the saint. In the eyes of God, they are all His/Her children and contain a spark of divinity. They are all loved, cherished, honored and adored. Like the sparrow, rock, cloud or flower, they are just being. God resides in the heart of everything.

To contribute my uniqueness to the world, I have to be fully present in every moment and in every situation. I have to express my feelings, emotions, tears and fears in a way that doesn't intentionally hurt another human being. I have to take responsibility for changing myself first, from the inside out, if I want things around me to improve. I am empowered and act accordingly! I have to be the best ME I can be.

This starts by my valuing myself and my willingness to be an awakened heart. It involves looking for that spark of divinity with the hearts of all others and connecting with the good that's within everyone. It means not limiting that feeling of connection to people who look pretty on the outside, have an appearance of abundance or who agree with all my spiritual, political or psychological views (since these are always subject to change). Those things are illusions.

On my path to more love and joy, I've made the conscious choice to make a heart connection with those who are physically challenged, poor, sick, alone, etc. I see them as truly being master teachers who have chosen their circumstances to teach others the true meaning of love. I've chosen to make a heart connection with rude drivers, mean clerks, late repair people and anybody else that I encounter since I don't know what happened before my interaction with them. Was there an accident? Did a bigger emergency than my plumbing job come up? Did they just learn a loved one is terminally ill?

I encourage my clients not to judge the homely, mean, over weight or the physically or mentally challenged. Just like us, each of them has his or her unique gifts and is part of a much larger, divine, plan. I suggest my clients just see a beam of golden-white light linking their hearts and set the intention that it's through heart connections that love will grow, joy and happiness will increase and Mother Earth will once again experience peace.

This is sometimes out of a person's comfort zone so I encourage them to begin by just being willing to consider opening and sharing from their hearts, even if it doesn't seem to be reciprocated or "deserved." Giving from your heart is actually a gift to yourself rather than to the recipient. It feels better to be full of love rather than full of fear. Just a willingness to follow the way of the heart starts the person an the pathway to more joy and less stress.

I encourage my clients to put the Law of Attraction into action. What they focus on, they get more of in their life. So, if they want more love, they might consider being more loving. If they want more abundance, they might consider being more generous. If they want to be more appreciated, they might consider being more grateful. If they want more help, they might consider volunteering to help others. As the saying goes, "give what you want to get."

If each of us uses our unique gifts and follows the way of our heart, we all have something to gain -- joy.

Take control of your life

2011-06-03T00:26:00Z

To make your life fulfilling, you must take control of it and that's not easy. The quality of your life depends on your thoughts, your actions, your focus and your direction. You are responsible for controlling all the various aspects of your life, whether you choose to exercise that control or not. When you take control, things will work out the way you want them to more often (notice I didn’t say always) than if you let others or "happenstance" control your life.

Taking control does not necessarily mean being forceful or imposing your will on others. It means living your own way, asserting and affirming the unique value of your own life, making your own special mark on the world. Taking control need not be selfish or greedy. You have something to offer and you can make a difference in a way that no one else can. When you are firmly in control of your own life, then you’re in the very best possible position to fully utilize your talents and fulfill your own unique possibilities.

The aspects of your life over which you exercise control and for which you take responsibility, will move you positively toward your own unique kind of success and fulfillment. Take control of your attitude, your financial and material resources, your relationships, your health, your environment, your career, your future and your values. Life gives you so very much with which to work–make use of it! Take control, and get the most from every day. It's not easy but it very worthwhile.

I’ve been “walking my talk” concerning taking control of my life and it’s has been difficult. In the course of being my authentic self and living according to my values, I may have lost a friend. Last week, I asked my friend why she was more concerned about an aspect of MY life than I was and why she didn’t think I could solve my own problems. She pushed my “mommy buttons” and, since I didn’t stand up to my mom when situations presented themself, I decided to try to do things differently this time. It may have backfired in my face but I’m glad I was willing to try something different.

In an email response to me, my friend said, “I do not want the responsibility of censoring or adjusting either myself or my behavior to accommodate how you (or anyone for that matter) might interpret what I do and say. Been there done that! I really am appreciative and thank you for your wonderful intellect, wisdom, insights and spiritual companionship this far on our journey toward enlightenment– but choose, at this time, not to continue the relationship.”

This saddens me. If two good friends who believe in spiritual principles can’t work through a disagreement, how do we expect waring countries to reach a peaceful settlement? If the price for the friendship means that I can’t express how I feel, then there really wasn’t a close friendship to begin with. Both of us wanted the other to be different from what we are. I’ve chosen to feel everything – even sadness over the possible loss of a friendship. To make a different choice, would mean that I would put somebody else’s happiness above my own and there would be a physical and emotional price for me to pay. I’ve done that for a lifetime with my mom as well as others and it hasn’t produced positive results. My friend feels the same way about how she chooses to interact with people. Moreover, she has as much right to her desires as I have to mine. It’s my hope, in time, that this rift between us can be healed because I really would like to find common ground. I know it may not be easy but, from my perspective, I believe the friendship is worth saving.

Change doesn’t always turn out the way we want it to but it’s better than staying stuck in superficial roles instead of being fully alive. I take full responsibility for my choices and actions. Each time I try something new, no matter how difficult it may seem or what the outcome, I learn more about myself and am in more control of my life. I go from being a victim to being a master of my own life. It’s worth the risk and it doesn’t keep me from mourning the loss of a close friendship.

Fear is a four-letter word

2011-05-30T00:54:00Z

This morning I was talking on the phone with a friend who loves to write and is a bit afraid of getting her thoughts and words out for the entire world to see. I related 150%.

I’ve been journaling, channeling and writing for years. It gives me pleasure to find a way of making a complex idea easy for a reader to understand or just to clarify a point for myself. I love to think, analyze, problem solve and find common threads in topics. I’ve been told by friends, business associates, psychics and a variety of others that I needed to write at least one book and share my life’s journey with others.

For several months, I’ve sensed the time is now to give people hope by telling them what I’ve been through (and continue to go through). It’s time people know that living a spiritual life doesn’t mean meditating daily, doing yoga, being a vegan or anything else. It’s about the day-to-day choices one makes from the center of one’s heart and for no other reason that intuitively one knows the action is “right.” Moreover, it’s not without physical and emotional pain. Tinkerbelle doesn’t have any fairy dust to make things change without the person having to FEEL – another four-letter word in our “instant” society.

I’ve been pushing the idea of publishing my writings farther and farther away because I’m afraid. I’m afraid people will think I’m odd, crazy or an impostor. I’m afraid my grammar isn’t perfect, my ideas are too far from mainstream America and I’m not pretty enough to be an author who travels the globe giving empowering seminars. I’m afraid that nobody will want to read my writings or that they will expect me to be perfect which will never happen as long as I’m alive since I’m always learning new things. I’m afraid that my assumptions may be wrong, that people will expect me to “fix” them and that “who the heck do I think I am to be writing a book.” I’m still a work in progress.

As spirit moves me, I’m going to continue to write and to consider transcribing the book I channeled as well as other things I’ve written. I’m going to “feel the fear” and do it anyway, without any attachment to what happens to the information and just for the joy of connecting the dots that create my own unique story. If God wants my materials to be published or used for some purpose, it will happen. All I had to do is to show up with the intention of writing and then let God take care of the details. Using this approach, fear ceases to be a four-letter word and my life become more joyous.

Getting it all done

2011-05-24T00:34:00Z

Relaxing and having fun are as important as working hard and completing the last item on your "to do" list. To be truly happy, balance is necessary.

Today I've decided to spend part of the day doing things for others and part of the day doing things for myself. That way I won't get burned out. I won't get resentful either. If I always delay my gratification or sacrifice my needs for the "wants" of others, every additional task becomes a huge obstacle that I have to overcome. If I all I do is work, I deprive my body of needed rest, I deprive my mind of the freedom to be creative and I distance myself from friends and family.

My life isn't an either or proposition. It's about balancing my needs and the needs of others. It's about balancing my wants with the wants of others. It's about balancing work and play, being with people and being alone, being active and being contemplative, etc., etc. There's no one answer about how to spend your time each day. All you can do is go within and ask your inner wisdom what it would like to do today and then follow its guidance as much as possible. Give yourself permission to do less than is humanly possible and to have fun.

Without love, joy and laughter, your life wouldn't be complete.

Changing careers

2011-05-20T00:23:00Z

I worked with a client this week who wants to change careers. She’s been doing the same thing for over 30 years. She’s terrified to change careers and yet at the same time is looking forward to new opportunities. As somebody who went from being a teacher, to an assistant controller of a real estate company, to a trainer for new computer equipment, to a technical writer, to a director of training, to a Human Resources manager and finally to a success coach and business consultant, I knew exactly what she was experiencing.

What we do for a living can be intimately intertwined with who we are. Often, people expect to grow and thrive in one career over a period of decades. For others, however, that expectation is unrealistic. As they themselves change, they become dissatisfied with the profession that once brought them joy. This is not unusual in modern times, where more and more people are changing careers not just once, but many times over the course of their lives. Some of these changes are by choice and others are the result of layoffs and mergers.

Because your career is a part of who you are, switching to another can be a long and involved process that requires courage and determination. The challenges, which can include stepping into unfamiliar territory, going back to school, or learning to live on less income, are very real, but the rewards can trump them. Changing careers, if done thoughtfully, can be one of the most richly satisfying and exciting experiences of your life.

If for years your soul has been telling you that you would make a skilled lawyer, a talented sculptor, or a brilliant electrical engineer, it's worth investigating the possibilities. Alternatively, you may be desirous of a more soulful and fulfilling career but haven't figured out what it is yet. In either case, explore. If you have identified a passion, research it. Talk to people in that field and find out how they got there. Ask about the ups and the downs.

If you're unsure of a career path you might like to pursue, look toward your passions, abilities, hobbies, and values. Determine what your ideal work hours, income, commute time, and working situation would be. If you love the idea of flexible hours or working from home, decide whether you would be willing to earn less as a trade off. Look for careers that offer the type of work environment and benefits you are looking for.

Creating a new future takes time and effort, and a willingness to delve deep into the positives and negatives of a variety of careers.

Focus on your strengths, rather than skills you may be lacking. Seeking skill training or the help of a coach (ME!) can be helpful. It's normal to be nervous when seeking out a new career, particularly if you are established in your current profession. But the payoff can be true satisfaction in finding work that you can love, and, it's never too late for change.

In addition, for me personally, every change improved the quality of my life. I’m now combining my love of spirituality, personal growth, teaching, writing and facilitating change in my coaching practice. When I got out of college, did I envision myself having my own business? Not in my wildest dreams. The path that took me here involved my being laid off twice, making a decision to leave two careers and taking a giant leap of faith to “go it alone”! It’s been challenging to say the least but it was well worth it. I now love my job and I’m a much happier person!

Powerful Words

2011-05-16T18:16:00Z

Have you ever had a disagreement with a family member, friend, co-worker or complete stranger and gotten frustrated because the other person just didn’t “get” what you were trying to say? I know I sure have. I’ve found that certain words shut down communication while others are keys to open communication.

Here are some words that shut down communication.

You’re wrong…

I never said that…

You should…

You must…

You always…

Can’t you…

Shut up…

When you start sentences with these words it’s as if you’re holding up a big red stop light because all positive communication stops and a game of “he said, she said” starts and never really ends. One party is trying to prove they are “right” which means they have to make the other party “wrong” and nobody really likes to be wrong. It’s as if you start the conversation with a closed mind and nothing the other person can say is going to change your mind. Neither party is really satisfied with the results and has to find a way to release the anger that is generated by closed communication. That can take the form of physical or emotional abuse, illness, depression, or addictions to name just a few.

On the other hand, if you want to really have close relationships and to feel good about yourself and others, you might consider using open phrases similar to the ones below. They are statements about how you feel or what you want. Nobody can tell you that you don’t want or need something because they are not you. They have not had your life experiences nor seen an event from the exact same point of reference as you did. Both of you filter your interpretation of an event through your own frames of reference.

Sentences that start with “I” or “Would” give the green light to continuing the conversation. You are just giving or asking for information. This takes the emotion out of the statement and allows the other party to stay neutral rather than to jump into a defensive mode. These opening phrases enable you to say exactly what is real for you.

I’ve noticed…

Is it OK with you…

Are you willing…

I have a need to…

I want…

I need…

I’d appreciate…

I’d prefer…

Would you please…

I’m curious…

Would you consider…

Choose your words carefully because they will either bring you closer to another or push them away. If you notice you used a “red light” word and didn’t mean to, an “I’m sorry” goes a very long way.

Expectations

2011-05-09T00:18:00Z

If you expect things to be difficult, they will be. In fact, you’ll look for “proof” to support your belief that life is difficult. If you expect miracles to happen in your life, you’ll look for “proof” to support that believe. Which expectation will cause you to improve the quality of your life? Which expectation will keep you stuck in a dead-end job or a demoralizing personal relationship? What will your life be like if you believe you’re too old or set in your ways to change? What would your life be like if you believe that you’ll always succeed because you’ll learn something from everything you experience? Expect the best from yourself and that’s what you’ll get. Expect the worse... The choice is yours.

It is easy to change your expectations, in fact you can do it in an instant, and that can be a problem. Too often, we lower our expectations because that is easier than overcoming the obstacles that stand in the way of fulfilling those expectations.

Are you being forced to lower your expectations, or are you simply choosing the easy way out? You must expect the best in order to achieve the best, yet it takes more than just expectation. It takes effort and commitment. If you lower your expectations at the first sign of difficulty, it seriously erodes their value.

Don’t lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality.

I do what I like to do most

2011-05-05T00:10:00Z

The phrase, “I do best what I like to do most,” resonates with me. I can spend hours living, writing or talking about spiritual principles, finding beauty wherever I focus my eyes, cheering friends and clients on as they stretch beyond their comfort zones and finding practical ways to improve the way things are done.

The things I do best are the things I’m good at or interested in and they help me to focus on the positive. It’s as if my mind gets to go on a vacation and that enables my body to relax and experience less stress. In other words, I experience “the thrill of victory rather than the agony of defeat” when I do things that give me joy. The more joy I feel the more I find things that increase that sense of joy.

What I like to do most brings me inner satisfaction; I walk my talk and feel proud of my accomplishments even though others may not even notice what’s happening. When I do what makes me happy, it’s as if my stomach is smiling and acts like a magnet, attracting more positive things into my life.

Yesterday I helped a “seasoned citizen” who was sitting on a bench and having great difficulty as she was trying to pull up her sock. I could see her frustration because she couldn’t reach her foot so I asked her if I could help. She grateful accepted my “random act of kindness” and I watched frustration melt and reveal a gentle smile.

I felt good all day because I did something without need for recognition. I did it because I’ve had several injuries where strangers were compassionate and helped me without my having to ask them for assistance. I helped the woman because it brought me inner satisfaction. I still feel good improving the quality of somebody’s life in only for a moment by a simple act of acknowledging the need of another human being and providing help. I bet that’s also how the people who helped me felt. Because it feels good, I will continue to do random acts of kindness and express gratitude when a stranger does something kind for me.

What I like to do most affords me all the opportunities I desire to life my life as I choose. I love coaching and consulting. These activities afford me the opportunity to have a flexible schedule and to be selective about who I choose to have as clients. The downside of what I do is always having to market my services so there is an endless flow of people that I can serve, having an unpredictable income – trusting that the universe will provide – and trying to find insurance as a sole (more accurately “soul”) practioner.

The pluses out way the minuses and I wouldn’t think about changing careers. Sure, I’d might make more money if I had a traditional job in Corporate America but the price I’d have to pay would be too great. I’d be doing less of what I’m good at and more paper pushing and sitting through endless meetings.

I do best what I like to do most and I’m so glad I’ve taken the time to determine exactly what those things are. The happier I am, the happier the people that I meet are. Happiness creates more reasons to be happy and “let it begin with me.”

An equation for a more satisfying life

2011-04-29T23:22:00Z

In doing research for a webinar, I was looking through articles that I'd written and I found some really great stuff. Below is an excerpt from something I wrote several years ago and it's still right on target. It's my intention that it provide you with insights which you can use to make empowered choices so you live a life of more joy.

Here's an equation which summarizes what needs to take place if you want to make any lasting changes in your life. It looks easy on paper but there’s a lot of work that needs to take place behind the scenes. If you change any part of the equation, you change your life – either for the better or the worse depending upon the choices you make.

Beliefs + Choices (Goals) + Actions + Determination + Persistence – doubts = your reality.

Let’s take a look at some parts of the equation from the vantage point of an eagle.

1. Beliefs are the results of events or what we are taught as children. They are not true or false. They need to be looked at to see if they are getting you closer to the life you want or keeping it away from you. You might have been believe “you’ll never amount to anything” because that’s what your dad always said about you. If you examine that belief, you’ll be able to determine if it’s true now. You’ll be able to list all your accomplishments and you’ll be able to consciously let go of that negative belief that does nothing to improve the quality of your life.

2. We always have 2 choices – yes or no. We may have forgotten that fact but it’s still true. Awareness (knowing something is possible) gives us the power to make new and better choices. No matter what we decide, we need to accept responsibility for our choices if we don’t want to be a perpetual victim. If your mind says yes, check in with your gut to see if it agrees. Our intuition is located within our body, not our mind so when follow your feelings since they don’t have an ego attachment to the results.

3. Change starts with the intention to do something differently. Nothing changes until some action is taken. I can set the intention that I’m going to lose 10 pounds but until I decrease my calorie intake and increase my expenditure of energy, the number on the bathroom scale isn’t going to budge.

4. Determination (consistently focusing your attention and intention) to achieve or get something you really want. You must really want the change in every cell of your being. If you’re not committed to the new result, you won’t achieve it. If your spouse wants you to stop smoking but you don’t want to quit, no amount of determination will turn you into a non-smoker. YOU have to want the result because it’s of value to you.

5. Persistence means keep moving forward towards your objective no matter how long it takes to manifest, what other people say about your idea and it may mean taking baby steps until you’re ready to sprint to the finish line. Don’t give up; the answer to your prayer may be just minutes away from coming to you.

6. Doubts are the result of lack of trust in God, oneself or both. They can come from outside or inside influences. When launching a new idea, don’t share it with people who will throw cold water on your red-hot idea. Find people who will cheer you on when your momentum is lagging a bit. If every inventor listened to and was influenced by any “doubting Thomas”, we wouldn’t have made so much progress.

To actually apply the equation to improve your life, you might consider hiring a professional success coach to help you look at any limiting beliefs that may be buried inside your brain. A coach would also make sure you take action and, because you want to get your money’s worth from the coaching relationship, you’ll get faster results working in partnership with a coach than you would on your own. Hiring a coach is your commitment to yourself that you really do want to change and that’s the first step in changing having a happier, healthier and more successful life. I'd like to be your coach and help you live a life filled with more joy, prosperity and success.

Birthdays

2011-03-31T23:20:00Z

For me, birthdays are a time of self-reflection. In the past I would feel sorry for myself or remember the pain from not having my special day acknowledged when I was a child (often having to share my birthday cake with a sister who's 3 years and 10 days younger). As I got older, I decided that I'm responsible for my own happiness. If I want a special day, then I have to make it special instead of waiting for somebody else to do it. As my birthday approaches each year, I usually ask myself what will make me happy on my special day.

Two years ago, I threw myself a very small potluck birthday party. The food was great, the conversation interesting and everybody had a great time. This year something inside of me said that I should spend my day in Sedona. So I arranged to spend several days in Sedona. I just jumped into my car, headed north and allowed myself to do whatever I felt like doing. I was open to the wonderful possibilities that each day brings. I wonder what I'll do next year?

The way I celebrate my birthday is exactly the same way I live my life. I know that I'm responsible for my own life, my own happiness and my own inner well-being. It all starts from within. I ask myself what I want and need. I listen to the response that comes from deep within my heart instead of the simple answer that comes off the top of my head. I make plans to accomplish my goal and then I take positive action to achieve it.

All along the way, I'm aware of what I have to be grateful for and I'm open to receiving all the wonderful blessings that the universe wants to bestow on me. Challenges I run into on my journey are just new opportunities to learn more about myself and my desires so that I can make more knowledgeable choices the next time.

As I read in an ad in Fast Company more than a decade ago, "I'm the C.E.O of my life." By being in charge of my life, I realize how powerful I truly am and I can take pride in all that I accomplish. Besides, this way I get exactly what I want out of life, much like being able to choose the flavor, size and filling for my birthday cake. It's all good.

Fulfillment

2011-03-28T22:34:00Z

Last week three things (that I was interested in doing to be of service and to generate income) fell through. I was a disappointed and began second guessing myself. Friends that I’ve talked to couldn't understand why none of the three opportunities materialized. It seems like I’m doing the right things and in the right arenas, but the timing hasn’t been right.

I get a lot of very positive feedback about my blogs as well as for the resumes I write and counseling/motivating that I do. I love to help to empower people to make more conscious choices about how they want to live. I love to talk about spiritual concepts and I love to learn. I’m doing these things all the time and I’m basically happy with my life. But there's still a small voice inside me that says happiness and fulfillment are determined by my job title, the amount of money in my wallet and/or my marital status. Because three potential sources of revenue didn't come to fruition, something must be lacking in my life.

Upon closer look, I realized that the small voice isn't accurate and isn't really mine. It's a compilation of all the people who told me what I "should" be, do, have or want. My life is already full.

I do what I enjoy doing. I “walk my talk” and every where I go I bring “light” into the situation. I’m very grateful for the quality of my life and for all the things I’ve learned by just fully participating in my own life rather than being a spectator on the sidelines. When I get a lot more money or find the man of my dreams, my life won’t improve that much because it’s already very fufilling. It would just be like putting icing on a cake. No matter how tasty the frosting, without the cake there would be nothing to support the icing!

For me, having a fulfilling life depends upon my thoughts, my actions, my beliefs and my sense of gratitude. I could have all the worldly wealth and pleasure and without a sense of appreciation, a feeling of worthiness and a connection to a life purpose that’s larger than myself, I still wouldn't feel fulfilled.

I trust that everything that I experience ultimately contributes to my success and that I didn't get those three jobs because there's something even better that I'll be doing to generate income and be of service. I'm the only one who can truly measure and appreciate my success since I’m the only one who truly knows what actions and decisions brought me to this moment in my life. I am very blessed because I like where my life is headed and I feel fulfilled! A little icing would by nice, too...

Who's in control of your life?

2011-03-25T21:08:00Z

Who do you blame for the problems in your life? Is it your boss, your spouse, your parents, your child? Whoever you give the label as being the source of your problems, you're also giving the power to control your life. You're reacting to their behavior and letting it ruin the quality of your life. It's as if you're a puppet and you've given them the power to pull your strings.

Reclaim your power. Take responsibility for your own life. Do this by consciously deciding when and how to behave in a situation instead of responding as if you're on auto-pilot. If you had a problem with your boss, keep it at the office. Don't bring it home with you and obsess about it when you could be focusing on something else – something that would promote your self-growth or just increase your sense of happiness.

If you have a problem at home, keep it at home so you don't create unnecessary problems at work. For example, if you're angry with a spouse, don't bring that anger to work and take it out on co-workers or customers. If you don't shake off the feeling of anger, that'll just make you even more unhappy and, instead of experiencing stress in one area of your life, you'll now be experiencing it in two arenas.

Concern, worry, blame and anger keep you joined at the hip with the problem and make you feel powerless. If you can view the situation from a different point of view, you'll realize that in every moment of every day you can decide to take the next step into greater knowing, awakening and inner peace. You can control your thoughts and emotions instead of having them control you.

It's a simple as stopping the obsessive thought as soon as you recognize it and replacing it with another thought of your own choosing. You can say something as simple as "I choose a peaceful thought instead of this" or "I choose to remain calm" or "I prefer the feeling of compassion instead of this" or "I choose to experience this event with trust and gratitude."

You can also adopt the attitudes that "everything assists me on my journey of self-awakening," "everything works out for the best" and "nothing lasts forever" -- neither what we deem good nor what we label as bad.

Your mind acts like the puppeteer for your life and it can only focus on one thought at a time. Your habits, beliefs, intention and choices determine which thought keeps your attention and how long it runs rampant in your head. Something upsetting, disappointing or anger provoking, doesn't have to negatively impact all areas of your life.

Ultimately, it's up to YOU to decide who's going to control the quality of your life. When you make that choice you might want to ask yourself, "do I want to be right or happy?"

The value of kindness

2011-03-21T18:22:00Z

About three weeks ago my mother died and the importance of kindness was reaffirmed for me. I was blown away by the recent notes of condolence received from a distant relative, life-long friends in other states as well as new Facebook and Twitter "friends" - people I only know virtually. Those acts of kindness and words of support helped me during a challenging time. I was also surprised by the people who didn't acknowledge what I was going through.

My life has had its ups and downs for the last 10 years. Unfortunately there have been more lows than highs. (Don't throw a pity party for me. I'm moving forward in a positive direction.) I knew I'd written in my journal about the value of kindness approximately five years ago. So I searched and found what I wrote. I was struck by its relevance to my current situation and the truth it contained. I thought the journal entry was worth sharing to encourage you to recognize the difference you can make in somebody's life just by being kind. Below is an excerpt from what I wrote. May it inspire you to pick up the phone or send a message to somebody who's going through tough times. It only takes a minute and can truly make a huge difference in the person's life.

"The last few years have been very challenging for me and I’m very appreciative of every act of kindness expressed to me by a friend, family member or a stranger. A random act of kindness goes a long way and a smile or a wave feels wonderful.

I've basically been housebound for nine months. I finished channeling a book, stood up, and noticed that my right arm was very bruised. (A year earlier I dislocated my left shoulder – ouch!) Within a couple of days, my upper arm from my elbow to my shoulder was totally black. Things just kept getting worse and my life became very limited and challenging.

For the first six months, there were days when I couldn't get out of bed because there was no way to do it without a great deal of pain. I couldn't work, drive, blow dry my hair, etc. It was hell and I never knew how my arm would function at any point in time. I was in constant pain. My chiropractor came to my apartment seven days a week and called to see how I was doing if he was out of town. I was extremely grateful for his kindness. There were several months when he was the only person I saw or talked to and that made me sad. Where were my friends?

Towards the end of that year, my best friend in AZ died of pancreatic cancer and I was one of her care givers. Another friend was diagnosed with breast cancer and I was part of her support network. I was glad to be of assistance and, at the same time, still concerned about who was there to help me because I only had limited use of my arm.

I soon found out. Taken together everything I was going through directly and indirectly just seemed like too much for one person to handle. Besides being on an emotional roller coaster and in physical pain, I still had to make living and take care of basic needs like laundry, marketing, fixing something to eat.

My friends in California and Arizona as well as on the east coast knew what I was going through, including my having to use all my savings and my 401K to survive. A number of them were nowhere to be found -- too busy with their own stuff or too afraid to see my raw emotions and pain or just not knowing what to do. The funny thing is that I really didn’t want them to do anything except sit with me, hug me or call me and let me know that I wasn’t alone. I was disappointed.

Other group of people dropped me like a hot potato when I no longer was willing to listen to their problems, write their resumes, or to use any of my other talents without getting paid something or having an exchange/barter of some sort. I didn't care what it was but I could no longer do things for nothing until my cup was overflowing with divine nectar. This second group of people only wanted to be on the receiving end of the equation. They weren't interested in creating win/win outcomes. Another disappointment.

Thank heavens there was a third group of people - thoughtful, generous, compassionate individuals. They jumped right in to be of help without having to be asked.They were very kind and helpful: preparing meals, picking up prescriptions, doing my marketing and a husband and wife actually came over and cleaned my apartment. Knowing I had a support team and emotionally available cheerleaders really made a huge difference in my recovery and in my life...

After my mom's death, I'm very grateful that there were some very thoughtful people. They made a difference.

Rereading my journal entry reminded me that I've always been compassionate and now I truly understand what it feels like to be on the receiving end of kindness. That third group of people from the past and the friends in present taught me first-hand the value of kindness. As a result, when I learn that somebody's going through a tough time, I'm amongst the first to send a card, make a call, dash off an email or do whatever I can to be of support for that person. I feel as though I'm "paying the kindness forward" and it's a tribute to those who've been there to support me. Kindness makes the world a gentler place.