About 10 years ago I went from Scottsdale, Arizona, to my home city of Los Angeles, California. I'd only been living in Arizona less than two years and was feeling a bit lonely and homesick.. After my week of "family stuff," I came back to Scottsdale with a new sense of empowerment, freedom and acceptance. I spoke my truth to my mother, my aunts, my sister and, most importantly, myself. Instead of stuffing feelings or allowing hurtful things to be said to me and ignoring them, I said aloud "that was hurtful" or "did you intend to hurt my feelings." It's remarkable how free I felt just by allowing myself to speak the truth in a kind way while maintaining a "heart connection" with the other person.

In the past I would not have said anything to the person who disappointed me or who hurt my feelings. I would have rehashed the conversation within my mind and replayed my version of it to friends or soothed myself with food. This time, I said my truth in the moment and to the person whose behavior triggered discomfort in me. I was even able to acknowledge and release old resentments that I was still harboring after 10, 20 or 30 years. What a waste of energy it is to hold on to negative beliefs and feelings!! To free myself from the burden of carrying around old hurts and from adding new bundles of resentment, I learned that you have to know what you want out of each of your relationships so that you choose the right time, place and words to express your feelings. Just "venting" or "dumping" doesn't improve the situation. It often escalates it.

For me, I learned that I can have more happiness in my life, if I accept the relationships I have with my family, understand them and then determine how I want to act in any situation. To achieve anything, I know you must clearly and precisely define what you wish to accomplish. Before I went to California, my goal was to heal some old wounds and I determined that to do that I needed to honestly express my feelings and my viewpoints in the moment. I needed to start responding like a competent adult rather than as a scared child. My goal wasn't to change anybody in my family, but to change the way I interacted with them.
 
I accomplished my goal and feel much "lighter" because of it. I have a greater sense of freedom now that I've closed old chapters of my life and begun writing the script for a happier future. I was able to accomplish this because I was willing to do something different. If you don't change your behavior, situations won't change. Freedom comes when you know that you have a choice in any situation and when you consciously choose how you want to be in any moment in time. When you do something different and get positive results, it gives you more courage to continue to grow and evolve.

Follow your heart and it will lead you to freedom.

 Joanne P. Stein, Joyologist, www.bestcoach4u.com