There's an advantage in getting older – criticism doesn't bother me the way it did in previous decades. I now look at criticism as a type of information, not good or bad. It's just somebody else's view about a situation. I also realize that no matter what I do, I won't be able to please everybody. People are unique with personal preferences. Some people like others to be quiet and introspective while other people want individuals to be boisterous and extroverted. If the two types of people are in the room at the same time, there would be a natural conflict. If I then walk into that room, I know that one of those people might criticize me just because of my behavior and the other person would find that very same behavior 100% acceptable. What I've learned is that the criticism is not necessarily directed at me personally, it's really directed towards my behavior and it depends upon the other person's preferences.

It's a great feeling to realize that because somebody doesn't like what I do or say doesn't mean that I'm a bad person. What it does mean is that the next time I'm with that person I can choose how I want to interact with them. Their criticism provides me with more information and I can either change my behavior to accommodate their preferences or I can continue to do things the way I normally do them. The choice is often determined by the importance of the relationship. If it's a family member, a boss or a close friend, I'm more willing to see the situation from their perspective and then make any adjustments that I feel are mutually beneficial. If it's a stranger on the street, I'm more apt to just store the information for future reference. If I hear the same comments from a number of sources, then I use the information to reevaluate my actions and to make some conscious decisions about how I want to act in similar situations in the future.

No matter how "perfect" I try to be, I will never please everybody all the time. That's just a fact of life. Knowing this takes a lot of the "performance anxiety" out of situations. If I understand myself and what I want from each situation, if I speak my truth with compassion and if I allow others to express their own desires and opinions, it's a win/win situation. By allowing both of us to be our authentic selves and not trying to control each other's behavior, we improve the quality of our relationship. This in turn decreases the amount of stress we experience and improves our sense of well-being.

If you use the information productively, a criticism can actually be the starting point for improving the quality of your life.
 
Joanne P. Stein, Joyologist, www.bestcoach4u.com