I just opened a holiday card from a friend I've known since kindergarten and that was eons ago. When I closed the card, I started to think about friendship. Why do some last and others fail? I realized that some of us have an unconscious belief that,  in order to keep our friends, we must always say "yes," even to requests that we do not want to comply with. What we fail to see is that by always saying "yes" to others we are in effect saying "no" to ourselves. What value is there in a friendship that asks you to deny who you are? The power of integrity lies in having the words from our lips match the wisdom of our heart.

This is a lesson I’m still mastering. A long-time friendship ended in a flash because, after more than 15 years, I finally spoke my truth and said “no.” Even after numerous attempts on my part to contact my friend, we never spoke again. At first, I was very angry with myself because I missed the things my friend and I used to do together. I attended holidays at her house with her family, took yearly birthday pilgrimages to Sedona with her, and attended many movies and other events. However, upon reflection, I saw that the “friendship” was based upon my always saying “yes” and choking down words of anger, hurt or disappointment. She wanted to do things with me when she was between boyfriends and, because of my own low-self esteem, I settled for crumbs and didn’t want to risk loosing those cast-offs for fear that nobody else would be there to fill the void. I thought that I was "defective" in some way. Boy was I wrong!

True friendships can handle "no." If your relationship cannot survive honesty, it is not a real friendship. Friends can disagree and yet love and respect one another. True caring requires realness, the willingness to be who we are.

Dedicate your friendship to truth and you will be amazed at the peace and satisfaction it brings you. If a friend is not big enough to survive your "no," you don't want that friendship anyway. The real strength of a true relationship lies in our willingness to speak our honest thoughts and feelings. Do not settle for anything less; it's too high a price to pay!