Do you know any person who is perfectly right all the time? The fact is, no one is ever completely right or completely wrong all the time. I’m certainly not. You're not. The people in your life are not. It helps if I keep this in mind as I relate to others.  We all make mistakes. We all have brilliant moments of insight. And normally, we all fall somewhere in between those two extremes.

I remind myself to “walk a mile is somebody else’s shoes” instead of criticising or judging them. Our life circumstances and our reactions to those situations create our character, our viewpoint about life and our coping skills. No two people have had the exact same experiences or the exact same reactions to a situation nor do they have the same wants and desires. Our life experiences, beliefs and what others tell us we "should" do, be or want determine what we define as bad, wrong or a mistake.  We each do the best we can to get the love and support we want and to maintain the “illusions” about ourselves that we think define who we are or who we want other people to think we are.

I remember when my aunt was in her late 80s and was going through the “healing process” associated with a broken leg. She told people not to come and visit her. She wanted to be alone.

I heard this and it made me uncomfortable since it was the opposite of how I react to stressful situations or accidents/injuries. I want people around me when I don’t feel well. Bring me chicken soup, send me a card or just listen when I'm having a pity party. I want immediate love, support and soothing words. I want friends to show up for me without being asked, to be there because they're compassionate human beings.

I tried to put myself in my aunt’s shoes (or shoe as the case may be) and, from her perspective, she wanted to be alone as she didn't want to admit that she was not in control of the situation. She didn't want to admit to herself that she’s human just like the rest of us and she couldn't control her environment nor her own feelings 24/7. It was important to her self-image that others didn't see her when she was weak, vulnerable and very human. She wanted to hold on to that image, no matter what the cost. She also didn't want to risk the disappointment of nobody showing up for her.

Even though I wouldn't make the same choice my aunt did, it wasn't up to me to try change her since her viewpoint was no more right than mine was. Her choice was her choice and it wasn't my place to  show her how she was "shooting herself in the foot (so to speak) by isolating herself. She was happy with the way she was. Her coping mechanisms were as perfect for her as mine were for me. All I could do was to see beneath the surface and see my aunt’s core. She was a point of divine love, just as I was. Granted that I wished she’d reveal that more often but it was there none the same. When I focused only our differing personality traits and coping skills, we walked in different directions. When I allowed the love within my soul to merge with the love within her soul, we could walk together on common ground. For me, that’s the path I chose to follow. My aunt chose her own path and I had to allow her to do so, even if it took her to places that I didn't want to go.

My interaction with my aunt reminded me of a powerful strategy for effective communication and stress management: First understand the other person. Go beyond superficial judgments to find something of value with which you can identify and relate. You’ll never completely agree on everything, yet you can almost always find useful and valuable common ground. That makes life's journey more enjoyable.