Have you ever wondered why you get frustrated in a given situation? What value does frustration provide? Why do we even have that emotion in our repertoire of responses? Frustration is certainly not enjoyable on a physical or an emotional level. So what's the point of frustration?

Frustration focuses our attention on a situation, person or belief. No matter what triggers the frustration, the purpose for frustration is to stimulate positive action. If we had no capacity for frustration, we would have to perpetually endure those negative factors. Frustration gives us the push to jump start positive changes in our lives.

A pearl is the result of sand irritating an oyster. Diamonds are created when carbon is subjected to extreme pressure. Frustration with the way something is done is what causes new inventions. Dissatisfaction with the number that appears on a scale is what causes people to make healthy life style changes. Frustration with a bank balance that tends downward instead of upward causes people to be creative about ways to save money or they might even turn a hobby into a business. Dissatisfaction with one's marital status (either married or single) causes some people to seek answers in therapy, spiritual studies or some other arena which leads them to happiness. As the saying goes, "no pain, no gain."

Think of irritation, frustration and disappointment as traffic signals for your life. Those emotions are telling you to "stop, look and listen" to what's going on in your life and to evaluate where you want to go from here. What direction do you want this job, relationship or situation to take? Feelings of irritation, frustration and disappointment cause us to think "there must be a better way." They move us along on our life's journey.

In retrospect, by taking some positive action, no matter how tiny, whenever I was frustrated, I grew as a person. Job losses, deaths of family members and close friends, illnesses and other frustrations gave me the opportunity to regain control of my life. I got to resume my position in the driver's seat for my life. I used bumps in the road to learn more about my mettle, explore new options, enhance my skills, release worn out beliefs that were no longer pertinent and make necessary course corrections. Without those frustrations, I wouldn't be who I am today and I like myself a lot more now than I did then! In my case, frustration led to increased satisfaction with me as well as my life.
 

Next time you feel frustrated, identify what other emotions or beliefs are associated with the frustration. You may hear words like:  "I'm so stupid." "You'll never amount to anything." "People your age can't do that." "Nobody loves me." "You're lazy just like you dad." "I'm no good unless everything is perfect" or "Bad things always happen to me."


This process will give you a good roadmap about what's going on in your inner world. You'll identify your challenges (some of which you might have carried with you from your childhood) and you'll have more information to help you decide what you want to do next.

Are you willing to use frustration to motivate you to make positive changes that will bring you a goal you want or are you using it to stay stuck in a negative situation or to hold on to negative beliefs about yourself?

Decide what changes you need to make either in your environment or your reaction to your environment and do something to improve the situation. No one but you sits in the driver's seat for your life. Where do you want to go from here?